


Believable Lies

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Category: Everybody Else (Band), Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Anthem Era, Brain Damage, Brother/Brother Incest, Car Accidents, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Exes, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Incest, Jealousy, M/M, On Hiatus, POV First Person, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Divorce, Sibling Incest, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:10:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9590342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: Taylor's life hasn't been the same since an accident ruined his happiness. Now he is left alone, trying to watch from the sidelines as someone else lives the life that was supposed to his...but is he really alone? When an old friend comes back into his life Taylor is left questioning everything.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I posted on Livejournal in 2013. Gonna slowly upload it here even though it was never finished. Maybe some day I will finish it at some point.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Instead of answering her, I just break down in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sitting in the hospital, I racked a hand through my hair. I was nervous and worried. My boyfriend of a year was in surgery. Apparently on the way home from the bar he had wrecked the car. He had been too drunk to drive and now he was in surgery. They were trying to save him.

Jumping as I felt a hand on my back, I turned my head and saw the woman whom I was divorcing beside me, "Natalie," I croaked out not even realizing that a lump had formed in my throat.

Seeing Natalie offer me a smile as she rubbed my back, I sighed calming some. Even though I had left her for another man we were still good friends. To be honest, I think she always knew I was gay. I think she always had suspicions.

"Diana called me," she said referring to my mother. A woman whom rarely spoke to me or my boyfriend anymore. Not just because we were gay but because we were brothers. "She told me that you called her and said Zac was in the emergency room. She didn't want to come but she asked me too."

I just shake my head as Natalie finishes speaking. Of course my mother would send Natalie here for her. Staying silent for a while I try to think of what I can say. How do I tell her that the man I love is fighting for his life because he made a dumb decision.

"Zac was in a wreck," I state as I look at her and see her frown. She is so good at showing her emotions. I like to think it's the mother hen in her. She is good at showing her emotions because we have four children together and most of the time to get through to them she has to show those emotions. "He was at the bar with a few of his friends and he apparently had too much to drink. He got into a wreck and right now they are trying to stop the bleeding around his brain."

"Oh Tay," Natalie says in her best sad voice. I find some comfort in it. "I'm sorry baby," she says as she rubs my back some more. "I'm sure he will be fine."

I nod at her last words. She's always so optimistic. Normally I am too but right now being optimistic is the last thing on my mind. What's on my mind right now is the fact that I can't lose Zac. I can't lose the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Looking up as I hear someone clear their throat, I see the doctor and my heart starts to beat faster as I see the grim look on his face. I hate that grim look on doctors. When they have it, it's always bad news. News that one never wants to hear.

Standing slowly I lock eyes with him, "How is he?" I ask croaking again. I hate when my voice croaks. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable and I really try not to be weak and vulnerable, especially around people I don't know.

"We were able to stop the bleeding around his brain," the doctor informs me before looking down at his charts. "But we will need to do more tests on him. We think he may have brain damage."

"Brain damage?" I ask as my brows crease. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut.

The doctor nods at my question, "He may not be the brother you once knew. He may never be the brother you knew. When we find out more, I'll be back to let you know," he sighs before closing his chart and walking away.

As he walks away I stay standing, feeling numb. My Zac may be gone? The Zac I know and love may be gone? Can I handle it if he is gone?

"Tay?" Natalie speaks up and I feel her arms go around me. "Are you okay?"

Instead of answering her, I just break down in her arms. Tears are the only way I can express how I feel right now. Words are sure to fail me if I try.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: When she laughs some, I feel my blood start to boil.

I chew on my lip hard as I pull my car into the driveway of Zac and Kate's house. Three months had passed since Zac's accident and the doctor had been right. He had been changed. It seemed he thought he was still with Kate, that Kate was still his wife. He had completely forgotten that they had been divorced for two years. That they had gotten divorced after Junia was born.

Getting out of my car once I had parked it, I slowly began the walk to the front door. I was nervous even being here. I had came in hopes that I could see Zac, it was my birthday after all and I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. With Kate back in the picture she seemed to dictate when or if I could see Zac and for some reason this new Zac was whipped. He let her do whatever she wanted.

"Stop pondering over this shit," I mutter to myself as I reach the front porch and raise my hand, knocking on the door. After I knocked I looked down and waited for someone to answer the door.

When I hear the door open, I look up and sigh seeing Kate. I should have known she would be the one to answer the door. It seems she does everything around here.

"Taylor," she says using her best surprised voice. I can tell it's an act. She isn't surprised.

I plaster a fake smile on my face just for her, "Kate," I reply back with just as much fake surprise that she had used.

Kate crosses her arms after I speak, "What are you doing here?" she asks as she moves slightly to block the doorway entrance.

"I came by to see Zac," I shrug as I step just a bit closer to her. When I do I watch a glare cross her face. The Kate I know and love is starting to show now.

Kate sighs softly before answering me, "I don't think Zac is up for a visit Taylor," she shrugs as she shakes her head, her glare leaving her face. "Ever since the accident he just hasn't been up for many visitors."

I roll my eyes as Kate talks. I'm sure she is lying, she just doesn't want me to see Zac. I think she is afraid if I see him I'm going to tell him everything and I kind of want too but I know that wouldn't be what is best. If he remembers he needs to remember on his own, "You say that every time I come Kate," I state as I cross my arms now. "Just cut the bullshit and be honest with me."

When she laughs some, I feel my blood start to boil.

"Fine, you want the truth," she nods, "I don't think you need to be seeing Zac. I think this accident was a sign from God. A sign that what you two had was immoral and wrong, that you two need to be separated," she says a smirk playing on her face, "That Zac needs to be with me and his kids and that you, you need to be out of his life."

After she speaks it's my turn to laugh. Kate sure is a piece of work when she wants to be. Her and her religious kick. She can claim she is religious all she wants, sometimes I swear she is far from it, "A sign from God?" I ask as a raise my eyebrow. "That's the funniest shit I have ever heard Kate. You crack me up."

"It's the truth, whether you believe it or not," Kate shrugs as she uncrosses her arms and moves back inside the doorway. "Now go, please," she mutters as she shuts the door in my face.

I sigh and just stand there for a few minutes, I'm not shocked by her actions. Turning around I leave the porch and walk back to my car. Once I am inside I feel a few tears escape my eyes, "Happy fucking birthday to me," I whisper as I start my car and head home. The home that just isn't the same without Zac.

It takes me less time to get home than I thought it would, I guess it was because I was using my lead foot. I only use it when I am angry and right now after what happened with Kate, I am very angry.

Parking the car, I get out and slam the door before walking or more likely stomping up to the porch. Using the key I unlock the door and as soon as I head inside, I'm greeted by the flashing light of the answering machine which rests on the table by the door.

Walking to the answering machine after I shut the door I hit play. I'm sure it's Natalie just leaving me a message wishing me a happy birthday, though actually, Natalie isn't one who leaves messages often. If she can't get a hold of me she normally finds a way to come and find me in person.

"Hey Taylor," a familiar voice comes out of the speakers of the machine. "It's umm..it's Carrick. I was just calling to say that I was in town for awhile and well I remembered that today was your birthday. If you would like to do something, just give me a call."

After I hear the message, I'm left feeling a little confused. Why the hack would Carrick want to do something with me? Yeah we were on good terms but it was always Zac he was closest too. Hell they were so close that even I was jealous of them, mainly because I'm positive they fucked. I'm positive that Zac may have been cheating on me with Carrick at some point.

Running a hand, I stand looking down at the machine for the longest time. I'm debating on whether I should take Carrick up on his offer. I mean it's not like I really have anything else to do right now. My plans of seeing Zac have fallen through. Maybe doing something with Carrick would be good for me.

With a shaking hand, I pick up the phone and dial Carrick's cell phone number. It's a number I have grown accustomed to calling over the years, especially when Carrick would come for visits. It was the only way I could ever find Zac at times.

"Hello," Carrick's voice soon fills the phone after only two rings.

I take a deep breath, "Carrick," I say as I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. I'm thankful for cordless phones. "It's Taylor."

"Yeah, I recognized your voice," Carrick replies a laugh coming from him. I swear his laugh is one of the best I have heard, or well second best compared to Zac.

I nod though he can't see me, "I was just calling to say, I think I'll take you up on your offer to do something. How does drinks sound?" I ask. I'm pretty sure Carrick will agree to drinks.

"I can never turn down a chance for getting drunk," he says and I hear him laugh again. "Any place in mind?"

After he asks me if I have any place in mind, I go silent for awhile, trying to think of somewhere, "McNellie's in thirty," I reply. I know he knows where McNellies is. The last time he was here, two months before Zac's accident all three of us went there. Though really I just felt like a third wheel that night.

"Sounds good to me. See ya soon Tay," he replies and then I hear the phone go dead.

Sitting there for a few minutes, I just stare down at the phone in my hands. Standing up I take the phone and put it back up. I may be in shock that I have just agreed to go and have drinks with Carrick.

Taking a deep breath a part of me wants to just stay here and not show up, but I ignore that part and soon walk outside and to my car. Getting in, I reach into my jean pocket where I put my keys. Getting them out I soon start the car and pull out of the driveway.

"This will be good for me," I mutter as I drive. I'm trying to do the best to convince myself that this is good. That I can't keep being a hermit and wallowing in my pity over Zac. I have to have fun occasionally. I have to hang out with other people besides Natalie. I have to live my life or well my new life. My life without Zac.

I'm not sure why, but as soon as I arrive at the bar I'm feeling hopeful. I'm sure it was stupid to feel hopeful. Stupid to have hope for anything, when the man I loved didn't remember me.

Getting out of my car once it was parked, I put my keys back into the pocket of my jeans and head inside. Once I'm inside I have to look around for a few minutes before I finally spot Carrick.

"Figures he would beat me here," I whisper under my breath. Slowly I walk over to where Carrick was seated. "Hey," I offer as I sit down beside him. I'm not shocked that he chose a seat right at the bar.

"Hey," Carrick smiles as he turns to look at me. "I hope you don't mind that I kind of started the party without you," he says pointing to the beer bottle in front of him.

I couldn't help but laugh, "No," I reply as I shake my head. "I don't mind that you started the party without me."


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You're lying," I say as I shake my head again and slowly get out of bed.

Waking the next morning with a headache, I groan and turn over in the bed. When my body hits another person's body, my eyes shoot open immediately and widen at the sight of a naked Carrick beside me, sprawled out on top of the covers as if it's his bed and he is allowed to sleep naked in it.

Sitting up in bed, I look down and soon realize that I too am naked. "What the hell happened last night?" I ask myself louder than I intend too. I probably should have just thought that too myself instead of asking it out loud.

"You got the best sex of your life or you know, so you muttered while I was on top of you," a voice pipes up beside me and I raise my eyebrows, looking at Carrick again. Now his eyes are partially open and he is stretching.

I shake my head, not wanting to believe his words. I wouldn't have sex with him. Not when I am still unsure if he and Zac fucked around. Not since I still love Zac even if Zac doesn't remember his love for me. I just wouldn't do that. At least I hope I wouldn't do that.

"You're lying," I say as I shake my head again and slowly get out of bed, searching around for my boxers which I find at the foot of my bed. "I wouldn't have sex with you."

Carrick shrugs and soon moves out of my bed as well. When he does so I try not to look at him. I try not to stare but it has been so long since I have seen another man naked. Too long almost.

"If you were drunk enough I think you'd do anything," Carrick replies and I look over just in time to see him slip his boxers on. "Which trust me last night you got shitfaced. Worse than what I was."

At his words I sigh, "Before I got with Zac, I was known to fuck around when I was drunk," I shrug as I leave my room and head downstairs. Hearing footsteps behind me I know Carrick is following. "I guess it is entirely possible I had sex with you," I nod once I reach the bottom of the stairs. Slowly I turn to face Carrick.

When I do so I almost hate how close he is to me. I hate that I even may have had sex with him last night.

"But you didn't," Carrick smirks before brushing past me. "I just wanted to see what your reaction would be if I said you did."

Hearing him I glare, "Asshole," I spit out as I follow him into my kitchen. Why the hell is he walking around my house now like he owns the god damn place?

Carrick just laughs as he opens the door of the fridge, "Zac always liked when I was an asshole," he smirks taking out the bottle of orange juice. I can't help but cringe when I watch him drinking right out of the jug. That's one of the things I hate.

"And Zac and I are two different people," I shrug as I walk over to where he is and look inside of my fridge. It's almost empty and I know I need to get groceries soon. Ever since Zac's accident I have really been lacking in certain areas of my life that I had been good at.

"Ain't that the truth," Carrick agrees as he puts the orange juice jug back and closes the fridge door. "Zac is the better brother in bed," he chuckles before walking over to a stool and sitting down.

At his words I roll my eyes and walk over to a cabinet where I keep the pop tarts and cereal. Opening the cabinet door I smile seeing a box of strawberry pop tarts and take them down. "Is that your way of saying you fucked Zac?" I ask hoping the answer is no. God how I hope it's a no.

When I get silence in return, I place the box of pop tarts on the counter and turn to face Carrick who is just looking down at the table top of the counter where the stool is at. Fuck. I have my answer from his silence.

"When did you have sex with him?" I ask as I turn back around and pick up the box of pop tarts again. Opening it this time I take out a pack and then put the box back up into the cabinet.

"A few months before his accident," Carrick answers and I close my eyes. The realization that Zac actually did cheat hurts way more than I expected it would hurt. "And every time I came out to see him or he came out to see me."

Opening the pack of pop tarts I frown as I take one of the pop tarts out, "So you are saying Zac was cheating on me with you the whole time we were together?" I ask not even sure why I need confirmation. I knew in my gut that is what he is saying.

Turning around I see Carrick nod his head yes and I sigh, "Fuck," is all I can say before taking a bite of my pop tart.

"I'm sorry Taylor," he offers as he looks at me with the best sad eyes I have ever seen. They may just beat Zac at being the best sad eyes ever given.

I take a deep breath, not sure how to answer him at first. What do I say? Do I just easily forgive him? Am I allowed to be pissed at Zac right now?

Taking another bite of the pop tart I try to do my best to hide just how hurt and angry I am, "I'm not sure I can forgive you," I speak up after swallowing. "But it's not really like it was a huge surprise to me that he cheated on me with you."

"You suspected?" Carrick asks and I can hear the surprise in his voice. "Zac always thought you didn't know. He felt so guilty for betraying you," he sighs as he looks away from me, "but he could never stay away from me. He tried but he kept coming back and each time the guilt was so much worse afterwards."

Hearing him I finish the first pop tart, not even having an appetite anymore. Walking to the trash I throw the second pop tart away. Is knowing Zac felt guilty supposed to make me feel better at what I just found out because it doesn't. Nope, it makes me feel worse knowing he felt guilty yet kept going back to Carrick.

Running a hand through my hair I'm about to speak when I hear my doorbell ring. "Stay here," I tell him not wanting him to move. I want to finish this conversation after I run off whoever has decided to interrupt it.

As soon as I reach my door, I realize I'm still in just my boxers, "Oh fucking well," I mutter to myself. If they come ringing my doorbell before none they better damn well expect me to still be in my boxers. Grabbing the door knob I fling the door open. Freezing when I come face to face with Zac. He is the last person I expected to see on the other side of the door.

I'm not sure how I long I actually stand there staring at him. It must have been too long because I notice him raise his eyebrow as if he is wondering why I haven't spoken.

"What are you doing here?" I finally manage to say. It's all that comes to mind right now.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Oh she is?" I ask as I cross my arms and chuckle.

Zac just stands there for a few minutes looking at me and for a second I wonder if I'm not dreaming this somehow.

"I missed you," he finally speaks and then I know I'm not dreaming this. "I had to wait until Kate took the kids to the park to even leave the house," he chuckles and pushes his way inside without even asking if I want him to come inside.

I shake my head and shut the door behind me, not caring if Carrick is in the kitchen still, "why would you have to wait until Kate left the house?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow slightly questioning him.

Zac just gives me a look like I should know why he had to wait and I almost want to laugh, "Because that woman is a hovering bitch," he says as he shrugs and walks over to the couch sitting down. A part of me is relieved he didn't walk into the kitchen. I don't want him seeing Carrick.

"Oh she is?" I ask as I cross my arms and chuckle. Of course I should have known she was. If she won't let me see Zac then she probably had Zac on a very short leash, even if he didn't remember being in love with me.

Zac just nods his head at my words, "And the worst thing is, I don't know why she is like that," he sighs and chews on his bottom lip. "She didn't used to be like this before my accident."

After he speaks, I have to bite my tongue from telling him a few choice words about Kate. Now is not the time to ruin his opinions on Kate, "I'm sorry," I offer as I sit down beside him. Right now I'm not worried about Carrick being in my kitchen.

"It's not your fault," he sighs and looks at me. "I needed to get out though," Zac mutters as he looks down at his hands. "I just, I don't know I have been feeling weird lately."

"Weird how?" I ask wondering what he means when he says he has been feeling weird.

Zac looks up and runs a hand through his hair, "Like there is something I should remember but I can't remember it," he frowns as as he looks at me, expecting me to feel the blanks in for him. God how I wish I could, but I can't. I know if he finds out in the wrong way that it could send him into shock. He has to remember on his own.

I just frown as well, "I'm sure if there is something you need to remember that you will when the time is right," I smile hoping that my words are true. Maybe he will remember us when the time is right.

"I hope you are right," Zac says as he smiles and I feel my heart melt. I may have just found out he cheated on me, but damn it, that smile can still make me melt. Zac can still make me melt.

Just as Zac is about to speak we both hear the foot steps coming from the kitchen and I don't even have to turn my head to know who it is.

"Zac," Carrick's voice speaks, shock apparent. At least I wasn't the only one shocked by Zac's presence at my house this morning.

Looking at Zac after Carrick speaks, I bite my lip. He looks from Carrick and then to me, checking us both over as if he is doing some sort of mental math problems, and fuck, oh fuck maybe he is. I mean we are both still in our boxers.

"Carrick?" Zac asks just as confused as Carrick sounded. "D...did you and Taylor? I mean...." he sighs not finishing his sentence.

"No," I speak up answering for Carrick. "We didn't," I say and Zac looks at me again, "He just slept over and we woke up not long before you showed up."

I turn to look at Carrick, hoping he backs me up in this and when he nods his head yes, I sigh in relief. I was scared that he wouldn't back me up in this.

Zac just keeps his confused look, like he almost isn't sure he believes us, "Oh, okay," he nods and bites his lip. "Because I mean if you guys did, I think that would be pretty awesome," he laughs.

Carrick smirks at Zac's words, "Awesome?" he asks clearly amused. "Why would it be awesome?" he asks another question as he walks farther into the living room.

Zac just shrugs, "My brother and my best friend fucking. It would be awesome," he smirks back at Carrick. "I mean you would both be happy and I could be happy."

I nod halfheartedly at Zac's words. I would never be happy with Carrick and seeing the hurt in his eyes at Zac's words, I'm sure he could never be happy with me. I'm certain he, like me, would be much happier with the man who thinks it would be awesome if we were fucking each other.

"I'm not sure we would be too happy," Carrick says as he sits down on the couch, taking up the space on the other side of Zac. As he does that I feel a slight pang of jealousy run through my body.

Zac fake frowns, "Well, if you guys say so," he laughs and looks from Carrick to me.

"Trust me we do say so," I nod as I look at Zac. I am speaking the honest truth. The only person who could ever make me happy is Zac but he doesn't remember me sadly.

Carrick nods and stands from the couch, "I should head upstairs and get dressed," he says giving Zac a smile and wink which doesn't help my jealousy one bit.

Once Carrick is gone, I feel Zac nudge me, "You know, I think you two are lying when you say you wouldn't be happy together," he smirks. I wish I could wipe that smirk off his face right now.

"Oh really?" I question Zac. "What makes you think we are lying?"

Zac smirks more, "Just call it a hunch," he says as he bits his lip and shrugs.

I just sigh and stay silent. His hunch is wrong. I want Zac, not Carrick and I know Carrick wants Zac too and not me. We both want the man who can not remember us and is stuck with an overbearing wife. We are both just two pathetic men right now.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Yeah well don't say anything," I reply a little harsh.

It's been a few hours since Zac has left, luckily once Carrick came back downstairs he dropped his accusations that we would be good together, I had never been so glad. I really didn't need him saying that, not after finding out that he had been cheating on me with Carrick.

"I'm sorry," Carrick speaks and I turn my head to look at him. What is he sorry for exactly? Sorry for letting my boyfriend have sex with him? Or sorry for Zac saying what he had.

I look down, "What are you sorry for?" I ask as I stand from the couch and head towards the front door. I need fresh air because right now, breathing feels a little hard for me.

As I open the front door, I hear Carrick's footsteps behind me and he follows me onto the porch, "I'm sorry for you finding out about Zac and I," he whispers.

Turning, I look at him and see him frowning, "I really want to believe you," I say as I shake my head. "But I can't believe you," I admit. It's hard to believe someone who willingly let another person's boyfriend keep coming back to them.

Carrick nods and walks to the steps where he sits down, "You know, I liked him before you even got with him," he confesses as he stares ahead of him.

I laugh at his words, "Is that supposed to make it okay?" I ask as I walk over and sit down beside him. "Is that supposed to make what you and Zac did okay?"

"Of course it's not," he says as he shakes his head. "I was just saying."

"Yeah well don't say anything," I reply a little harsh. "You may have liked him before I got with him but I liked him for years before that," I said as I look down at the stairs.

"How long?" Carrick asks me and I feel his gaze shift towards me.

I keep looking down, refusing to look up and meet his gaze. I can't look into his eyes right now.

"Since I was nineteen," I confess as I run a hand through my hair. "I was just too scared to do anything, I mean he was my brother and then Natalie got pregnant and I just figured it best to try and forget."

"But you couldn't forget," Carrick speaks for me and I nod my head yes. "I couldn't forget either. I tried for several months but then one night he was just there and I gave in. I know I can't take it back and hell I don't even know if I want too, but I am sorry."

Looking up and at him, I sigh, "It's too late for sorry," I shrug and shake my head. "Why the hell are you even still at my house?" I ask raising my eyebrow. "You have a hotel, go to it."

He frowns, and I almost feel sorry for being so rude. Almost.

"I just hate being alone anymore," Carrick frowns again. "Being alone reminds me that the Zac I know is gone. That he may not return."

At his words, I want to yell at him. I want to tell him that even if Zac did start to remember again he wouldn't be all his. He would also be mine. He would be mine and I would make him choose between us both.

"Even if he comes back, things would be different," I tell him as I chew on my lip.

"How so?" he asks as if he has no clue what I mean. Is he really that dense?

I just sigh loudly, "Because, I'd make Zac choose between us," I say as I stand up from the porch. "I'm going to go for a ride. Be gone by the time I come back," I say, going inside long enough to get my keys and then walking back outside and heading to my car.

Once I am in my car, I start it up and drive to Natalie's house. Maybe talking to her will help me. Maybe she can help clear my head.

When I pull up at her house, the old house I used to live in for most of my married life, I am not surprised to see Natalie outside sitting in a chair as the kids plays in the yard. It may be March but our kids tend to blow off a lot of energy by playing outside.

Walking over to Natalie, I sit down in a chair beside her, "Hey," I smile as I see her look at me confused.

"What are you doing here?" Natalie asks after I have fully sat down in the chair. "Is it your day with the kids and I have forgotten?"

I laugh and shake my head, "No, it's not my day with the kids," I say as I smile at her again. "I just needed to see you," I say before frowning. I can never act happy around her when I'm not.

Natalie raises an eyebrow after I frown, "Why?" she asks as if my coming over to see her when I'm said is foreign and new. It's not. She is always the one I run too. She is the only friend I have left anymore. I suspect she will probably be the only friend I ever have anymore.

"Because, I found out Zac and Carrick did fuck around," I whisper. She knew about my suspicions. I told her about them one of the times Zac had flown out to California to see Carrick. She was supportive, telling me I was just crazy. I guess in the end I wasn't that crazy.

Now it's Natalie's turn to frown. "I'm sorry," she says as she reaches her hand over and lays it on top of mine.

I like the feel of her hand on my own, it comforts me in ways I can't really explain. It always has.

"It's not your fault," I shrug as turn my hand and soon lace our fingers together. Right now a part of me is wondering what things would have been like if I had just stayed with her, If I had denied myself what I truly wanted. If I had denied Zac of what he wanted.

Natalie squeezes my hand and I feel myself feeling just a bit better, "When did you find out?" she asks as she looks out at the kids. My kids are the best thing I have ever done with Natalie. I'm glad I have them.

"This morning," I tell her as I look out at the kids as well. "He called me yesterday to see if I wanted to go out for drinks since it was my birthday and somehow he wound up in bed with me last night and we were talking this morning and things just spilled out of his mouth."

Natalie goes silent after I speak and her mouth drops open, "Shit," she mutters a blush creeping onto her cheeks. For her to cuss I know whatever she is thinking must be bad. "I totally forgot to call you yesterday," she says as she blushes more.

I can't help but laugh at her words, "It's okay," I tell her. I know with our four kids it's hard to actually remember anything sometimes. Hell I have forgotten her birthday on a few occasions when we were married and I lived here, though her birthday was after Christmas so I always blamed it on the Christmas festivities making me forget.

"It really isn't okay," she says as her blush grows deeper. I'm certain she may now be the color of a tomato. "I should have remembered."

"Well you didn't," I say as I smile again trying to stop laughing. I'm pretty sure if I don't stop laughing she may harm me in some way.

Natalie pulls her hand away from me and chews on her lip as if she is contemplating something. "What are you thinking?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow.

"How I can make it up to you," she smirks. "Would you mind staying for dinner?" she asks as she gives me that one damn smile of hers that I can never turn down. When she uses that smile i became putty in her hands.

I just nod, "Sure," I say knowing that I really shouldn't but oh well.

Natalie just smiles more, "Well, let's get the kids inside and then I can get started on dinner," she says standing up and soon hollering for the kids to get inside.

I stand up and am amazed at how fast all four of our kids run inside. I don't think I have ever seen them run inside so fast. Once they are inside, I just stare at Natalie who is looking at me as if I am one of the kids and she wants me inside as well.

I blush and follow behind the kids, "You don't need to scold me mother," I mutter as I walk past Natalie.

"You back talk me and I just might," Natalie laughs and heads towards the kitchen. I follow behind her, knowing she will probably need help. She is a good cook but not as good as me, not to toot my own horn or anything.

Before I know it helping her with dinner passes the time quicker than I thought it would and eating dinner also passes time away as well. It's not until I am helping Natalie with the dishes that I realize it is going on ten at night.

Looking over at Natalie, I wipe my hands on a dish towel, "I should be heading home," I say before walking over to her and kissing the side of her head.

Natalie just nods and turns her head ever so slightly, "Call me if you need anything," she says and I just nod and turn to leave. "And Taylor," she speaks again and I stop in my tracks. "I love you and I want you to know things will get better," she says and I can tell from her tone she truly believes it.

I just nod again wishing I could believe it, "I hope so," I mutter as I start on my way out again. Once I get to my car, I get in and soon drive home. It seems the drive there goes by just as quick as everything else.

Parking the car, I head onto my porch and just as I am about to unlock the door, I stop when I notice Carrick passed out on the porch swing. I thought I told him to be gone when I got back.

Walking over to him, I reach out and shake him slightly, holding back a laugh as he falls off the swing when he does wake up.

"Tay," he slurs when he looks up at me from where he now sits on the porch.

"I thought I told you to leave," I say knowing from his slurred speech he is drunk.

Carrick nods, "You did," he says standing up and stumbling some. "I did leave but I couldn't go back," he says shaking his head. "Too many sad memories when I am by myself."

I roll my eyes, "Come inside," I whisper as I finally walk over to the door and unlock it. Once I do Unlock it, I open it and walk inside.

After Carrick gets in, I shut the door behind him, "You are sleeping on the couch," I tell him before turning and heading upstairs. If he is going to protest he doesn't. Instead I hear him as he walks to the couch. I'm kind of relieved he didn't face plant into anything on his walk to the couch. I would hate for him to ruin something else of mine. It seems that is what he is good at.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Why would you ask those questions?" I ask trying to hold back my hurt and anger.

Waking the next morning, I groan as I feel the sun shining through my window and the smell of food wafting up to hit my nostrils.

Opening my eyes, I sit up in bed and turn to look at the clock on my bedside table. The red digits told me it was noon and I seemed to have slept most of the day away. How the fuck had that happened?

I get out of bed not even caring to put jeans over my boxers. Taking the steps two at a time, I walk quickly through my living room and into the kitchen where I find Carrick standing at my stove. I clear my throat to let him know that I am now in the kitchen and he turns to face me, his blue eyes shining as if things are okay between us but they aren't. I am still upset about him and Zac screwing around.

"I made you food," Carrick offers as he turns back around briefly, putting whatever he had made onto a plate.

I roll my eyes and walk over to the plate, staring down at the contents on it. Bacon and eggs. It seems he choose 4 strips of bacon. Obviously he knows the Hanson's love bacon. Staring back up at him I raise my eyebrow, "Do you think this will make things better?" I ask as I pick up the plate and a fork and soon make my way to the table, "because it won't."

"I know," Carrick speaks up and I watch as he walks to the table and sits down across from me. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay last night," he shrugs as he looks down at the table top. I am sure he is avoiding my gaze.

I sigh and take a bite of my food, swallowing it before deciding to answer him. "Well you thanked me," I say before taking another bite and swallowing. "Now leave. I do remember telling you to be gone when I woke up, which, you didn't do," I nod as I see him look up and frown slightly.

After he frowns he just stands from the table and doesn't say a word as he leaves the kitchen and I sigh again, eating the rest of my food in peace. I am glad that he seems to be listening to me today. I'm really not in the mood to have an argument with him today. I'm sure if I did I would say things I would regret later. I have a tendency to do that when I am angry.

Finishing my food, I stand from the table and take the dirty dishes to the sink. I'll do them after work. Speaking of work, I really do need to go upstairs and get dressed. Isaac will have a cow if I'm not in the studio today. I promised him I would be.

Since Zac's accident I have been finding it hard to be at the studio. I don't see the use in being there as we have nothing to work on. It isn't as if Zac remembers anything we had been working on and even before Zac's accident, Isaac and I weren't on speaking terms. He hadn't even been on speaking terms with Zac. He had thought we were sick and perverted for being in love with each other.

Shaking my head as I come out of my thoughts I head upstairs finally to get dressed and ready for the day ahead of me.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Earth to Taylor," a voice calls to me and I blink, realizing I have been staring at the computer for far too long now. Turning my head I look at my older brother wondering why he was trying to get my attention.

"What do you want?" I finally ask when it becomes apparent he isn't going to say anything now that he has my attention.

Isaac rolls his eyes, "Natalie is out in the main lobby," he mutters before turning and leaving the office we share. He always finds ways to avoid being around me it seems. It's only gotten worse since Zac's accident.

Moving from my desk, I walk towards the main lobby and smile when I see Natalie standing there, our four year old son Viggo on her hips. The other kids are in school. "What are you doing here?" I ask as lean in and kiss Viggo's forehead. He just smiles at me.

Natalie grins after the gesture between my son and I. I'm not sure why but her grin still has the ability to make me feel like it did the first day we met.

"I came to see if you wanted to go out to lunch with Viggo and I," she smiles as I bite her lip. It's not her usual smile though. This one is much more devious and I'm certain she has something planned, though I am not sure what she has planned.

"Sure," I nod and I see her smile grow even bigger but she doesn't say a word. Instead she turns and heads out. I'm guessing that is my cue to follow behind her and I do, seeing her minivan parked right outside our office. Walking to it, I get in as she puts Viggo in the back.

"You didn't tell me he was coming," Zac speaks from the back and I turn my head seeing my brother sitting beside of Viggo's booster seat. So this was why Natalie had smiled like she had. She had somehow pried Zac away from Kate.

Natalie just shrugs in response to Zac, "Because I wanted to surprise you and him both," she says giving Zac the same smile. "I know you two don't get as much brotherly time anymore because Kate likes to have you to herself twenty-four seven," Natalie laughs before she shuts the door and walks around, getting in the van.

I look at her as she starts the van and drives off, heading to our lunch destination. "Thank you," I mouth glad that she has done this for me. Zac may not truly grasp why she has done this but I do and I love her just a bit more for it.

She just nods before looking at the road and the whole ride to the nearest Taco Bueno is silent. I'm find myself shocked by that because usually Viggo talks up a storm when he is in the car for any length of time.

When Natalie finally pulls into a parking space at the Taco Bueno, I get out and stand there waiting as Natalie comes back around to get Viggo out. I notice as she does, Zac slips past her and avoids my gaze, walking towards the restaurant.

"What's wrong with him?" I ask Natalie as I look at Zac's back as he walks into the restaurant finally.

Natalie turns her head, her brown eyes locking with my blue ones, "He told me on the ride to the office that he remembered something last night."

I hear her words and I feel my heart start to pound a bit faster in my chest. Zac has remembered something. After months he has finally remembered one thing. "About me?" I ask wondering if he told her what he had remembered.

"He wouldn't tell me," Natalie shakes her head as she holds Viggo on her hip and heads towards the restaurant. "I was thinking you two could talk. Viggo and I will sit at another table to give you two some privacy."

I nod my head as I walk behind Natalie. Once I am inside I watch Natalie head towards the counter, hearing her mention she will order everyone's food. I know she can do it. She had been married to me long enough to know what everyone likes.

Looking around for Zac, I finally spot him in a table in the corner. Taking a deep breath I walk over to him, my mind trying to think of what to say. My heart hoping that what he remembers is something about us.

"Tay," Zac speaks as I finally make it to the table and sit down. "How come you didn't go order your food?"

I look at him and chew on my lip for a few seconds before deciding to answer him, "Natalie said she would do it," I tell him as I give him a small smile. "She umm, she thinks we may have some things to talk about," I say wondering if he will take the bait I have laid down now for this conversation to go to what he has remembered.

Zac raises his eyebrow and looks away from me, "What would we have to talk about?" he asks as he lets out a nervous laugh.

"She said you remembered something," I answer him as I keep looking at him, watching as he looks up again, this time his eyes look clouded and confused as he looks at me obviously searching me for something though I don't know what.

"I did," he finally speaks up and his voice comes out nervous, just like his laugh had. "Did I cheat on Kate with Carrick?" he asks as he looks away again. "Am I gay?"

Hearing him mention Carrick, I sigh. Obviously whatever he remembers involves that asshole.

"Why would you ask those questions?" I ask trying to hold back my hurt and anger.

Zac runs a hand through his hair but stays looking away from me, "Because I remembered having sex with him once."


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Well don't be," I snap and stand up not even caring about the fourth drink I ordered.

"Y...you remember having sex with Carrick?" I ask after what seems like several long minutes of silence. I'm not sure what else to say or do. I'm hurt and mad. Carrick was indeed telling the truth, he and Zac were having an affair.

Zac nods at my question, and I sigh running a hand through my hair. My world seems to be falling apart faster than I thought it would, this sucks for me.

"I," Zac starts and then stops like he is contemplating his next words. "The memory kind of turns me on," he whispers right before Natalie brings us our food.

I almost want to ask Natalie to sit with us but instead I just sit in the chair and watch as she walks away. Fuck my life.

"I want to ask Carrick about it, but I'm scared and well, Kate never really gives me a chance to do much of anything. She always hovers," Zac speaks up again once Natalie has left us.

I watch as Zac begins to eat and I sigh, taking the first bite of my food. "Maybe what you remember is just a dream," I shrug, trying to make him think that maybe he hasn't actually remember anything. It's completely rational in my mind even if it really isn't.

Zac shakes his head as he takes as big bite of his taco, "No," he says after swallowing. "I didn't just make this up Taylor," he frowns and I can sense from his words he knows deep down this is real. Even if he asked me confirm it he knows he did indeed have an affair with Carrick, though he thinks he has cheated on Kate. He has know clue he was really cheating on me.

I nod my head, "You did cheat," I confirm, not wanting to but I know it's for the best. I just need to do this for Zac. If he is so certain than he needs to know the truth.

"I told you," he says so sure of himself. I almost want to laugh and tell him the whole truth. That he didn't tell me, no Carrick told me and he also didn't cheat on Kate. He was cheating on me.

Instead of doing any of those I just nod again, "Yeah you told me," I lie not sure if it's right, but it feels right in the moment.

After I confirm that, the rest of our lunch time is filled with silence and I am glad when Natalie comes over and asks if we are ready to go. I am ready to go so I just stand up and force a smile when Viggo holds his arms out for me to take him, which I do.

Walking outside with him, I put him in the back, in his booster seat when we reach the van and I move out of the way so that Zac can get in.

Getting in the car myself, I buckle up and look out the window as Natalie drives. I stay silent the whole time, watching as she drives to Zac and Kate's first instead of driving to the studio first. I may be glad and dreading the drive back to the studio at the same time. I know that Natalie will want to talk about our conversation.

When we reach Zac's and he gets out, I sigh and watch as he walks in and Natalie pulls away not long after.

"So," Natalie starts speaking mere minutes after she pulls away from Zac and Kate's. "How did your conversation go?" she asks and I hear hope in her voice. Hope that I hate.

I just shrug and turn to look at her, "Not as good as you hope it went."

"What do you mean?" she asks as she looks at me and I see curiosity in her brown eyes.

I look away from her again not wanting to see her reaction when I tell her this new bit of information. "He remembers being with Carrick once," I tell her my words coming out bitter. "He fucking remembers that asshole over me."

The car goes silent for what seems like forever and I'm wondering if Natalie is shocked by this. Or maybe she is guilty for even suggesting I talk to Zac. I don't blame her for my day being ruined. I blame Carrick.

"I'm sorry baby," Natalie finally says. I know I should correct her for calling me baby but I don't. In fact it almost calms my nerves. It's kind of funny since it never calmed them much when we were married to each other.

"Not your fault," I tell her as she arrives at the studio and I unbuckle and open the door, getting out of the car. "I'll call you later," I tell her as I shut the door and walk away, soon hearing her drive away.

Instead of going inside, I walk to my car and get in, finding my cell phone in the cup holder. Taking it out I dial Carrick's number and wait for an answer. I want to talk to him now. I want to find a way to ruin his fucking perfect face.

"Hello," Carrick's voice finally comes through the phone. He sounds so happy and I don't understand how he can always be so happy.

Taking a deep breath, I compose myself before saying anything, "Are you free right now?" I ask hoping his answer is yes. I want it to be yes so bad.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asks and I can almost picture his eyebrow raising at my question. "Do you want to meet up somewhere or something?"

I smirk at his question, "Yes, I do want to meet up," I tell him trying to mask any anger that I am feeling. I don't want him to suspect anything. I don't want to give him a reason to turn down my offer to meet up. "How about we meet at McNellie's again?"

I hear Carrick sigh on the other end and I am almost afraid he will say no. That he'll turn down my offer. If he turns down my offer than my getting him drunk and ruining his face will never happen.

"Sure," he finally speaks and I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that he has agreed. "I'll meet you there in thirty," he says and I hear the phone go silent.

Hanging up, I pocket my cell phone and start the car, driving to McNellie's. Of course I get there before he does so I decide to go in anyway. Going to the bar I sit down and order a drink. A strong drink. If I plan on hurting Carrick then I want to be drunk as well.

By the time I see Carrick sit down beside me I am sure I am already three sheets to the wind as I have downed three drinks in thirty minutes. I'm not sure how I did it though because now I am feeling dizzy and it seems as if the room is spinning.

"Took you long enough to get here," I slur as I look at him and sigh.

Carrick just snorts after I speak, "I never figured you would be this drunk already," he tells me before telling the bartender he will just take a water.

"You aren't going to drink?" I ask him slurring again. His not drinking really puts a stifle in my plans.

Carrick just shakes his head and takes a drink of his water when it comes, "Someone has to drive you home," he mutters. "I'm not about to let you drive drunk and get your pretty face hurt. When Zac gets his memory back he would kill me for letting the other man he loves get hurt."

Hearing speak Zac's name I feel angry. He shouldn't be allowed to even say his name, which I know is ridiculous of me to think. "He is already getting his memory back," I snap at him before ordering a fourth drink. I know the fourth drink is a bad idea but I really do not give a shit to be honest.

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?" Carrick asks me and I watch as he moves just a bit closer to me. I don't like his wanting to get closer.

I laugh some and look away from him, "I would be but it seems he remembers his affair with you," I tell him as I keep my gaze away from his face. I just don't want to see him gloating. I'm not sure I would be to handle his gloating.

Instead of gloating though, I feel Carrick's hand come to rest on mine and I finally look at him. His face almost looks sad and I'm not sure why. Shouldn't he be happy that Zac remembers him at least? I know if I were in his shoes I would be happy.

"I'm sorry," Carrick whispers and his words surprise me. I don't need him feeling sorry for me.

"Well don't be," I snap and stand up not even caring about the fourth drink I ordered. Instead I turn and start to head outside to my car, hoping I can make the full walk with the room spinning like it is. Right as I make it to the door, I start to lose my balance and topple over, only to feel myself land in someone's arms instead of the floor.

I'm about to turn my head to thank the person until I see that it's him. It's fucking Carrick. "Fuck you," I mutter before noticing just how close his face is to mine and in my drunken haze I don't stop myself as I let my head move closer to his until our lips are touching in a kiss.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I need to get dressed," I say through clenched teeth as I brush past him and head back to my room.

Waking up the next morning, I turn and feel my arm thump against a body in the bed beside me. Feeling my eyes jolt open, I have serious flashbacks of Carrick's first night in town as I see him in bed beside me. Again we are both naked though both of us are under the covers.

As I sit up, I hold my head and groan, feeling the throbbing of a hangover. The moment I close my eyes to block out the sun coming through, I am over come with flashbacks of last night. Kissing Carrick. Carrick bringing me home and kissing me again. Eventually making it to my room where we wound up having sex.

"Fuck," I whisper as I stand up and run to the bathroom not even caring that I am naked. I fucked Carrick last night and I am disgusted with myself. I hate him. I hate him for being Zac's secret and now he is mine, even if Zac can't remember us and may never remember our relationship he will never know about this drunken lapse in judgment I had.

Shutting the bathroom door behind me, I don't even get a chance to lock it. Instead I quickly got to the toilet and lose whatever contents I had on my stomach.

It's the third time I get sick when the bathroom door opens. "Are you okay?" Carrick asks and I turn my head to face him, surprised to see him already dressed.

"I'm fine," I mutter before hurling again and this time I stand as I flush the toilet. "I need to get dressed," I say through clenched teeth as I brush past him and head back to my room. I want him to know I am mad and that I blame him for taking advantage of me. I was drunk and he knew that. He was the sober one after all.

Carrick follows behind me and I feel him watching me as I get dressed though he stays silent for a long time. "You are mad at me," he finally speaks as if a light bulb has just went off above his head.

I laugh bitterly and nod, "Gee, took you long enough to figure that one out Carrick," I spit out and again brush past him as I leave my bedroom and head downstairs.

"Because I had sex with you?" Carrick ask as he follows behind me again and I want to say something, am about to say something when someone on the couch sits up and turns to look at us, a confused look on their face.

"You two...had sex?" Zac asks, his eyes flashing an emotion have seen numerous times. He is fucking jealous. D..does that mean he remembers me, our relationship?

I come to a stop and grunt as Carrick slams into me, coming to a stop as well. Both of us just stay silent. I'm sure he too can probably read the jealousy in Zac's eyes as well.

When we don't say anything Zac moves from the couch, "You had sex with him after what I told you yesterday?" Zac asks as his voice cracks and I feel my heart shatter for plenty of reasons. Zac doesn't remember our relationship, he still just remembers Carrick and I fear he may have been hoping for something with Carrick. He did after all say the memory of having sex with Carrick turned him on.

"Zac," I start but he just walks out of my house slamming the door. I turn to Carrick and shake my head. "You ruin everything," I spit out before going after Zac, seeing him sitting down beside his car, his head in his knees.

Zac must hear my footsteps when I get close because he looks up and I see the tears in his eyes, "How could you do that to me Taylor?" he asks sounding so helpless like I have stolen away the guy he loves.

I frown and sit down beside him. "Do what?" I ask feigning innocence right now.

"You know what," Zac sighs and I see a few more tears going down his cheek. "You had sex with Carrick knowing I screwed around with him. Knowing I was turned on by remembering it," he whispers as he runs a hand through his hair. "I..I think I realized last night I may have hidden feelings of Carrick or well had, I just can't remember them."

Again my heart shatters and I try to stay strong. "I'm sorry Zac," I admit honestly. I am sorry I slept with Carrick and hurt Zac. But I'm sorry I hurt Zac because I love him. I really hate Carrick right now and I wish Zac didn't have to remember him first. I was slowly beginning to lose hope of him ever remembering me.

Zac smiles weakly, "I forgive you," he said as he leans over and rests his head against my shoulder. "I left Kate last night," he tells me, answering the question I have been meaning to ask. Why he was on my couch. "I..I just got so sick of her always being there and I felt like I was going to scream, especially after I realized my feelings for Carrick."

"Is this your way of telling me you need a place to stay?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow and lay my head on top of his. Even with his amnesia and thinking he may feelings for Carrick he is still being close with me, closer than we have been in months and that makes me happy or as happy as I can be.

Zac just nods his head and laughs, "Can you really read through my words that well?" he asks as if he expects me not to know him that well at all.

I smile and move my head up from his, "Yeah, I always have been able too," I tell him as I stand up and hold my hand out for him to take. "You're my best friend and you always know your best friend inside and out, that means you know when they are secretly trying to tell you something."

Zac laughs and takes my hand, standing up and brushing his pants off. Not saying anything else he walks into my house and I watch as Carrick walks out and over to me.

"I called a taxi," he says and I nod. I am glad he is leaving my house. Things even though they seem slightly better still feel just a bit tense between Zac and I. "I'm sorry I had sex with you but you wanted it too, drunk or not you were begging me and I was stupid for listening," he sighs.

I cross my arms as he talks, "I was drunk, I may have begged but that doesn't mean I wanted it," I spit out. "And I hope you tell the taxi to take you to an airport. All you do here in Tulsa is cause problems."

Carrick laughs this time, "Whatever you say Taylor," he shrugs as the taxi pulls up and he walks off leaving me standing the driveway. After he is gone, I just shake my head and walk back into my house.

When I get inside I see Zac sitting on the couch watching some cartoon, a bowl of cereal in his hands. God he reminds me of a child but I love him and I'm glad that for now he is back home where he needs to be, even if he doesn't remember this is his home yet.


End file.
